Resistance.

I keep trying to force myself to trust my boyfriend and I just can't do it. I feel like he lies about everything. EVERYTHING.
I don't know what to do. He keeps telling me "you can trust me, believe me." That's the same thing he said right after lying to me about talking to his ex-girlfriend. We are going to have a baby together and I'm practically dreading it. I'm really hoping that it is just my hormones going haywire and not that I really hate him because it's bad enough that I'm feeling stuck in this place because I'm pregnant, I don't want to feel even more stuck because he's the father. I don't even know if that makes sense. I don't care either. His royal assholeness went out drinking again last night with the people he works with... women mainly. He got trashed, again. That's when things start to not add up and the lies start to flow from his mouth like the Nile flows from Al-Mogran. I think that he has a drinking problem and he disagrees, typical of an addict right? I mean, it would take a lot for him to admit that he has a problem. Ask him how much he drank the night before and he'll say... "a decent amount", which means, "enough to get me fucked up". I'm on the verge of calling it quits, just being done with it. Done with him. He doesn't care about how I feel or what I say and at some point that's gotta give, doesn't it? I mean... will he ever wake up? Will he ever realize that he is going to be a father and that things need to change, he needs to change. I'm having my doubts. I just don't think it will ever happen.
All this shit has got me to the point where I can't even tell him that I love him. It's almost impossible for me to get the words out. Why should I tell someone that I love them when they are making it painfully clear that they don't really love me?